This past year (the last half of it) was good to me.

Nearing the end of the year, and looking forward to 2018, I know that I want two things.

One of them is a thing. An abstract thing. Something achievable. Doable. Maybe.

The other is not a thing at all. I’m such a coward about it I can’t get myself to write about it, even on my own space here. I want this the most. I do not know if I can have it. Or if it’s meant for me.

I wish I knew.


I wish I knew the future


I don’t know what’s happening and I think that’s OK

You ever have that feeling where you want something really badly, but have no idea how to accomplish it, whether or not it’s possible in the first place or if it’s even the right thing? I’ve been in that mode before, but I’m really feeling it now.

I have a few grand plans and goals, but don’t know how it’s going to turn out. I’m trying. I’m trying to figure it out. I’m trying the best I can at doing these things, but, ultimately, I don’t know. I wish I did.

If anyone younger than 33 years old is reading this, know that us wiser, slightly older people don’t know what we’re doing either. In many ways this is fine and normal, but man is it terrifying.


I just needed to write this out

Hello again. This is a brief update on what I’ve been doing. On what I’ve been thinking.

There are so many things going on in my life. So many things I need to manage and push through — some personal, some professional. So many plans and ideas I want to work on and see through to the very end (again, some personal, some professional).

There have been many times where I feel like there are barriers to every thing I want to accomplish. Some are, to be sure, real. Others are ones that I’ve built for myself. I feel like I’m inching closer to finally getting past them. I can tell I’m closer than I’ve ever been before. It is right in front of me.

I celebrated a birthday recently. I turned 32.

I didn’t expect – or want to be – where I’m “at” at this point in my still very young life. But at the same time, I really have accomplished things. It’s hard for me to see them. They’re not always obvious. These aren’t ones that make themselves clear until you see them in a larger scope. Others do see them, and it’s time to for me to recognize them, to accept them.

Up to now, I’ve helped people grow and succeed, given so many people worthwhile advice and ideas; it’s time I take my own advice and do something with the things I know to be true. It’s about time I get to where I need to be and to become the person I know I can be.